Waiting Game...again...

Well, as some of you already know, my bone scan came back negative.  This means that there was no mets to the bone, and that's a HUGE relief.  I am trying to remember this, as I'm sitting here waiting for my CT scan.

So, on Monday, we got the good news that the bone scan was clean.  We also got the not-so-good news that my CEA is back up, up to 5.5 this time.

Forgive me my cursing, but F*CK!!!!

Dr. K. came in and (for lack of a better term) dumped a bunch of information on me.  It was, honestly, an overload of information about possible scenarios, all of which will depend on the results of the CT scan today.  Long story short, there is a lot riding on this CT scan.

I won't go into the details that Dr. K. dumped on us on Monday - suffice it to say there was discussions of clinical trials, radiation, chemotherapy (the dreaded Oxalipalantin, which did NOT make me happy)....yeah.  It was hard to remember the good news about the bone scan.

So, I'm trying to keep positive.  Whatever happens today, I know I'm in the right place to take care of it.  I'm hoping nothing, nothing, nothing shows up on the CT scan, and the CEA is elevated because of my back bothering me.

Oh - that's another thing that we will be discussing.  If it's not bone cancer that's causing me so much pain, why is my back still bothering me so much?  Why is it that I'm still on pain meds, and not able to function normally?  And, why aren't we treating the cause of the pain, rather than just mitigating the symptoms?

Can you tell I'm struggling a little bit today?  It's been a rough couple of days....I'm really, really trying to stay positive, but I'm absolutely dreading the phone call today with the results.  I could wait two or three weeks to get them, but I don't think I can handle that eternal waiting, the anxiety, the emotional turmoil again.

Right now, I'd rather know what we're dealing with (even if it is another tumor, or tumor growth) than to not know.  Somehow, that NOT knowing is almost worse than the knowing.  And, by getting answers, I'll be able to process what's happening, and what this all means.

So, please keep the prayers coming today.  My CT scan is in a couple of hours, and I'll have results today.  I'll update (even if it's a short "Here's what they found...") later....