Well, today I am scheduled to have blood drawn to check many levels, including my CEA. I am so flipping nervous. I can only hope that this damn number went down. But, as I've said before, I'm nervous because I'm not feeling any of the traditional chemotherapy side effects, like nausea. I'm fatigued, though, which seems to be a pretty common complaint with this chemo, so I'll take that as a good-ish sign.
My lab draw is at 11:50 this morning, so I should have the updated CEA levels by 2pm or so.
I hate days like today, where I'm just waiting for an arbitrary number....a number that will fundamentally effect my life, will determine if I continue on this road or have to forge a new path. It seems so silly to have so much riding on a few cells in my lab draw, but that's the way this game is played.
I don't think there's anything worse than waiting on a result like this. Well, there is - let's be honest. But, for the short time that I'm waiting, my stomach is all upset, my head isn't where it needs to be, and I'm an emotional wreck.
I'm trying to keep myself calmed down by reminding myself that, so far, my cancer has responded fairly well to chemotherapy treatments, and there's no reason to think this would be any different. But, there's this little voice inside my head, reminding me that we are in uncharted territory (well, sort of.....there are studies saying this works, but not many), and that there's a 50/50 chance that this will work.
*sigh* I just need to take a few deep breaths, calm down, and not panic. I'm going to go about today doing what I know needs to get done, and hope for the best.
More as soon as I know something....