Yesterday, I walked into CTCA with a sense of trepidation and fear. I had no idea how the day was going to go, so I just put one foot in front of the other and hoped for the best.
Results were pretty much what I expected. Tumors and lymphs have all grown in number and size, although the largest of them is still around 2-2.5cm. I also have some new spots on my liver (this doesn't make me happy), but they are still small...too small to biopsy. And, the spot on my abdomen is definitely a tumor.
My CEA is at 101....close enough to 100 that I didn't freak out. Ironically, my platelets are also at 101. My whites and reds are where they need to be, so we were able to proceed with chemo yesterday.
The appointment with my team was hard. I wasn't super surprised with the results, though I was hoping for more stability in the tumors. The spots on my liver were apparently there last CT in August, which Mom, Dad and I don't remember hearing about. Anyway, once we got the results and started to move forward on talking about treatment, I asked them to stop for a moment. I needed to process and to cry. My mom was holding my hand, and my doctor put his hand on my back, comforting me. After a bit, I was able to regroup and move forward.
Decision was made to definitely start Xeloda and Erbitux. Xeloda is being shipped in by my insurance company, and I'm supposed to have that sometime today. I was able to get the Erbitux yesterday.
That, in and of itself, was nerve wracking. I was so scared - will I have another reaction? What happens if I do? I made the decision to take some Ativan to calm me down, and they also gave me Benadryl to counter any potential allergic reactions. Luckily, I slept through the entire 2 hours, and then came home and slept some more.
I'll tell you what - that's definitely the way to go through chemo. :)
Last night, I wasn't feeling too bad. A little grumpy, but not sick (thankfully). I slept pretty well last night, although I woke up with a killer headache this morning. I'm thinking it's a sinus thing....I actually went back to sleep for another 2 hours this morning after the kids left, and while I still have the headache, it's no where near as bad as it was when I woke up this morning.
I'm currently waiting for the Xeloda to be delivered so I can take my first dose - I might end up only taking the nighttime dose today, which is fine. Nothing I can do about it.
How am I doing, you ask? I'm okay. Now that those bumps in the road I talked about are behind me, I'm feeling more calm. I know where we are in regards to my cancer, and I know what we have to do to fight it. I'm still scared - I'd be stupid if I said I wasn't. But, I'm trying to be hopefully realistic.
So, my army, here we go. We are back in fight mode....